yoU

you are the distraction from the reality of my own depression.

nine : forty one

it's 9:41 pm.

Let's pretend.

let's pretend all our wounds have faded

and today's despair is someone's hope tomorrow.

love doesn't make you blind.

life is a joke.

and the man in front of me at the checkout line doesn't cry every night 
because his wife buried herself in a box underground by the old oak tree.

let's pretend I don't like swing sets.

the grass is greener today.

and my life is horrible.

My dad isn't effected from what happened 30 years ago.

bugs are an essential part of life.

school teaches you how to be a better person,

 raise a family, and make the 2 decisions that will determine your happiness.

My first grade best friend is happy with who she is.

Jello is good.

and laughing cures cancer.

Let's pretend money doesn't determine happiness.
rules are meant to be broken.
rain means heaven is crying.
Siri can guide you through life
And the weather determines the mood of mankind.

Let's pretend boys know what girls want.

Let's pretend girls aren't easy.

Let's pretend kissing you isn't the best thing that ever happened to me.
and his touch heals my soul.

Let's not pretend anymore.
Because loving you is the realist thing I have ever felt.
And when you find something real in this world you have to hold it tightly against your body so it doesn't fly away.

So please let's stop because one day we're all gonna explode of falseness.

just love.

but never say love is like anything.

because you would be pretending to know that.

Re-My Love

your face? syrup & honey.

your smile so sweet I can taste the sugar.

your body on mine.

lips intertwined.

timeless.

no amount of persuading could make me leave.

I remember when all she could talk about was him.

now all I can think about is you.

you hit me like a flash flood.

not enough time for warning.

my wings not yet ready for flying.
still I fell freely into your strong arms ready for catching.

the world stopped its spin.

people watch to see us dance through a song that's never been sung.

see if our steps match up.

you are a beautiful dancer.

bodies aligned.

hands pulling.

there is not enough hours in 1999 to make enough time for you.

I swear I checked my watch five minutes ago but it's already been 2 days.

I have you on replay.

a song that is never overplayed.

a movie that you can never quite understand.

a book. that no matter how many times you read it, the words seem new.

I've never met someone so persuading.

one look and I'm in.

tell me to drop what I'm doing and I will.

your gravity stronger than a million earths.
pulling me in slowly as if the rope might snap from the tension between us.

I hit you like a tsunami.
body limp from the rush.
if you ask me I'll let you drown.
but my air has more flavor then life itself.

i don't want to be desperate.

maybe this isn't called desperate but something else.

something that makes me full.

full on conversation and sugar lips.

you make me happy.

so believe me when I say, I won't forget this.

I can't forget you.

MASK

masks are "essential" to life.

part of the daily human routine.

wake up, put on an I'm-the-perfect-child mask.

go to school with an I'm-cooler-than-everyone-and-don't-need-to-learn mask.

I see my best friend from second grade and somehow the I-miss-you-so-much mask comes on.

a whole closet full from no store in particular.

some hand made.  sewing in confusion with each stitch.

confusion of why masks are needed when they only make your face itch, sweat and give you an awkward tan line.

words of being yourself.

concepts of confidence.

talk shows of not letting anyone bring you down happen everyday.

but what about the masks.

I thought you said to wear them at all times.

"keep your words, hearts, and feeling in the vehicle at all time." remember?

well I'm done.

I'm tired of these masks.

I want someone to have my heart.

I want someone to feel my feelings.

I want someone to listen to my words.

So i threw them all away.

I'm showing my own face.

please show yours.

screeN savoR

something so small can be the cause of a magnificent paradigm shift.

the realization that the little things matter most.

because simplicity is beautiful.

and my mind is now a field of white hope.

a mountain of smiles.

& seas of happiness.

I trust you now.

I trust you.

- ♡

a cloud called 9.

I opened my door tonight to see you with the face and the hair.

and the magic.

sitting on a cloud they call 9 
my muscles in my cheeks got tired from showing my teeth. 

the thumps in our chests whispering to each other 
in a language I'm not fluent in yet. 

I think it starts with an L.

we talked carefully 
as if we didn't want to disturb the sleeping stars 
or dull the moon.

sitting on the cloud called 9 
the distance between us decreased.  

you teased me until the tension was to much 
and the rubber band snapped.  

suddenly the lips were locked 
and we were high away in never land 
on a cloud called 9. 

your hands finding their way through me, 
we waltzed on and on, 
making the most beautiful music I've ever heard. 

our steps in sync, 
the heat rising, 
the world becoming a blur. 

it was perfect. 

we were invincible in those moments.  

everything falling into place except for the time.

to quickly the song ended and dancing slowed.  
I could see my house now. 

reality coming back as the air between us grew.  
I've never been so disappointed to be home.

let's go high away to never land on the cloud called 9 again soon.

and for now on my door is open.

Tired eyes and Lemon heads.

We both had tired eyes.

Tired eyes from all the lemons of life.

Still we smiled and laughed, watched and wished.

Wished it was just us in that great big room.

Only us always.

So I could look at your face just for the fun of it.  

Look at all the little details that make you, you.

  

You electrify me by one glance.  

By almost doing nothing.

You must be a magician.

Because in that moment when you touched me....my tired eyes suddenly didn't matter and I was 

breathing in all the lemonade there was. 

So please, touch me always. 

Electrify me.

Go ahead b, hit me with all the magic you have.

Colorful Butterflies.

I see you're name on the screen.

 the butterflies come to life inside my stomach breaking out of the cocoons and taking flight 

only to hit the walls with no where to go.

I have felt this many times before, but with you it's different.  

They are different butterflies.  

More colorful.  

Filled with energy and full on a life so pure I think my stomach might explode.

It's a good feeling.  

I yearn for them every day.  

I want to get to know them, for them to become familiar to my body.

And that's the thing, I don't think that is possible.

These butterflies can't be tamed.  Aren't meant to, and that's okay.

I like them the way they are.  

I want more.

But I'm scared, 

and they feel it.  

As the days go on my conscious persuades me to believe something that can't be true. 

Something I won't believe. 

It makes sense though.

Because how could you have the same butterflies as me inside your stomach, 

when you just got rid of the remnants of hers?

I'm scared.

So the butterflies disappear one by one.

They disappear 

at the thought of you walking away.

They disappear

 because "you only want me for satisfaction."

They disappear 

when you'd rather be feeling up metal than feeling up me.

They disappear 

like I lose your attention.

They disappear 

so I stopped counting.

So please hun.  hurry before their wings tire out.