nine : forty one

it's 9:41 pm.

Let's pretend.

let's pretend all our wounds have faded

and today's despair is someone's hope tomorrow.

love doesn't make you blind.

life is a joke.

and the man in front of me at the checkout line doesn't cry every night 
because his wife buried herself in a box underground by the old oak tree.

let's pretend I don't like swing sets.

the grass is greener today.

and my life is horrible.

My dad isn't effected from what happened 30 years ago.

bugs are an essential part of life.

school teaches you how to be a better person,

 raise a family, and make the 2 decisions that will determine your happiness.

My first grade best friend is happy with who she is.

Jello is good.

and laughing cures cancer.

Let's pretend money doesn't determine happiness.
rules are meant to be broken.
rain means heaven is crying.
Siri can guide you through life
And the weather determines the mood of mankind.

Let's pretend boys know what girls want.

Let's pretend girls aren't easy.

Let's pretend kissing you isn't the best thing that ever happened to me.
and his touch heals my soul.

Let's not pretend anymore.
Because loving you is the realist thing I have ever felt.
And when you find something real in this world you have to hold it tightly against your body so it doesn't fly away.

So please let's stop because one day we're all gonna explode of falseness.

just love.

but never say love is like anything.

because you would be pretending to know that.

Colorful Butterflies.

I see you're name on the screen.

 the butterflies come to life inside my stomach breaking out of the cocoons and taking flight 

only to hit the walls with no where to go.

I have felt this many times before, but with you it's different.  

They are different butterflies.  

More colorful.  

Filled with energy and full on a life so pure I think my stomach might explode.

It's a good feeling.  

I yearn for them every day.  

I want to get to know them, for them to become familiar to my body.

And that's the thing, I don't think that is possible.

These butterflies can't be tamed.  Aren't meant to, and that's okay.

I like them the way they are.  

I want more.

But I'm scared, 

and they feel it.  

As the days go on my conscious persuades me to believe something that can't be true. 

Something I won't believe. 

It makes sense though.

Because how could you have the same butterflies as me inside your stomach, 

when you just got rid of the remnants of hers?

I'm scared.

So the butterflies disappear one by one.

They disappear 

at the thought of you walking away.

They disappear

 because "you only want me for satisfaction."

They disappear 

when you'd rather be feeling up metal than feeling up me.

They disappear 

like I lose your attention.

They disappear 

so I stopped counting.

So please hun.  hurry before their wings tire out.